User blog:ALee715/SATIRE!

This is a peice of writing I did for senventh grade English lol... so it's finished and I just wanted to post it

Rent-a-boy! Are you looking for a way to seem older? Cooler? Then you need a boyfriend! If you call 1-800-DESPERATE, we will ask you a  few questions and set you up with one of our pre-made boyfriends, and with the services of Rent-A-Boy! you’ll be popular in no time!

Why do you need a boyfriend? Are you sick of your friends always bragging about their latest boy-toy? Are you tired of being forever un-noticed? Well, a boyfriend will clear all that right up! With all the rumors spreading around school about you and your boyfriend, you’ll be in all the gossip for sure!

What are your boyfriend choices? Well, as many fish as there are in the sea, we are bound on finding you the complete opposite! I mean what type of middle school relationship doesn’t last forever?!? We will find you the perfect guy to make you and  your friends uncomfortable!

Now to prove to you that Rent-A-Boy! works, we brought back one of our first costumers Mary!:

Hi! My name is Mary Yatwitz, I’m in the 7th grade and I just wasn’t fitting in. It seemed like everyone had a boyfriend, and I was the only one being saved from all the dramatic heartbreak. So, when I heard the ad, on 1.3BORED FM, I knew I had to call. I ordered the blonde-haired-jock, their most popular, and he arrived in the mail 3 days later! For only 79.99! That is so much easier than actually trying to get a boyfriend! When I introduced to my friends the next day at lunch, they stood open-mouthed! And then when he spoke, I swear their mouths dropped 3 more inches! They had said he wasn’t that bright, but I knew they were just jealous. But then when we passed by each other in the hallways and didn’t talk to each other whatsoever because we’re so embarrassed and shy,  it was so romantic! I would definitely  recommend Rent-A-Boy to any of my friends! -Mary Yatwitz, Satisfied, loyal customer of Rent-A-Boy!

Thanks Mary! Lastly, we would like to get a review from a high school freshmen, that used Rent-A-Boy!™, last year, while she was in 8th grade:

Bonjour! My name is Adela Adkins. I am now a freshmen, and decided to review my experience with Rent-A-Boy! The day after I got my boyfriend in the mail, he decided to take me to the movies! It was so romantic, he had his dad drive us to the movies, and sit 2 rows behind us during The Avengers. We had so much fun! Afterword, his dad drove us home, while he played Angry Birds on his phone. I really loved Roberto. Our relationship lasted so long!!! 3 whole days!!!! I know we may not have last forever, but I know Roberto will be in my heart forever. I am very pleased with the quality Rent-A-Boy! puts into their products. -Adela Adkins, singer of “Tumbling on the High”, and satisfied customer of Rent-A-Boy!™

As you can see, Rent-A-Boy!™ is the perfect choice if you are trying to get out of your awkward faze, and into popularity!